How things are going.

Since my last post was somewhat...dramatic? deep? sincere? I thought I would do a little up date on how I'm doing and how stuff in general is going :)

Before I start I just want to thank everyone for your positive comments and love that I have received.  I wasn't expecting so many people to care - but it definitely made me feel real good having so many people reach out to me :) So thanks, guys.

I'm VERY happy to say that things are still going really well.  They get better each and everyday.  I feel pretty much like 'me' again.  Even though I can never feel like I did before because, well, I am a very different person than I was before.  I now have a little dude that is totally dependent on me.  I am a Momma - and it is finally starting to sink in :)

So, how is the PPD/A going you ask?  It's pretty much blown over for me :)  I don't want to say it's totally gone, mostly because I've heard that it can creep back up on you.  But for the past couple weeks I have been doing super good.  I mentioned before that I started on meds and I'm happy to say that I only had to take them for one week.  The first few days I think they really helped, but after that, I noticed they were making me jittery and I just felt weird on them.  So I stopped taking them and haven't taken them since.  I was talking to my Doc about it and she said that sometimes all you need is a little boost to get those hormones back into place.  I guess it only took me a week for things to finally get things back to homeostasis :)  I also am still sleeping well, which is helping the most.  Probably better than most Mom's do with newborns. I must brag just a little about my babe...most nights he goes to bed at around 11:30 and sleeps till 4:30. I get up with him usually for about 45 mins and then he'll sleep till 8:15 or so.  So pretty much from 11:30 till 8 I only get up once for about 45 mins. I know, I know - not fair to you other Mom's, right?  I think Ames just knows I went about 2 weeks on about zero sleep, so he's letting me make up for it.  And I'm sure thankful for it!

I still have moments of anxiousness, and sometimes it still takes me a while to fall asleep, but my sister 'Jazzy Fresh' helped me lots with the sleeping.  She had a period of time in her life where she suffered from insomnia too.  But to her credit, she got over it real quickly.  She told me the things she did to help train her body to sleep again, and they have really helped me.  So, thanks Jazzmancool, love you long time.

I was just thinking today that I have been SUPER blessed to have things settle into place pretty quickly.  I think a huge part of it is I took care of things quickly.  So if you, or someone you know, is having a rough go as a new mom, don't wait to get help!  You hear it all the time to ask people for help - but I know there are many people like me that don't even consider that an option because we are too 'tough.'  But I tell you what, reaching out to my Moms, Sisters, Husband, Doctors, and lots of other people helped me so, so much.  Not only did I have tons of people on earth to help, I know that our Heavenly Father and his angels were looking out for me and were very aware of my situation.  I have an even stronger testimony of trials and the reasons we go through them.  Going through the hard times definitely helps us grow in so many ways.  For me I have realized that I have so, SO many people on earth and up above that are looking out for me and are there to help.  I'm so thankful to know that now.  Having a deep support group is vital - so pray, pray, pray and don't be scared to ask others to come help you!

Breastfeeding is still going pretty good too, considering.  I am pretty much to the point where I feel no guilt about not being able to feed him exclusively.  We have a pretty good little system down too - I will feed him first and he'll get my 1 - 2 oz that I produce and then get about another 2 oz of formula from the bottle.  Sometimes even a little more formula, cause gosh dang, this boy can eat!  The 'recommended' amount of food is 2-3oz per feeding...he will eat AT LEAST 3 oz and has eaten up to 5 oz before!  Making up for lost time I guess :)  I got him weighed last Wednesday and he is up to 8 lbs 9 oz! Gained over 2 pounds in 3 weeks...chunker! (not really...he is still only in the 13th percentile, but compared to how he was 3 weeks ago, he's a little chunk :) )

Things that are still somewhat hard for me as a new mom is just all the time at home!  I have always been a very active person - always out and about.  With a newborn that just isn't feasible and it has been hard.  I finally had to sit down and make a list of all the things I could do while at home when the babe is asleep.  It's already starting to do better at this staying at him business.  Though, I am getting real excited for when he is a little older and I can plop him in the shopping cart and he will be my little errand running bud :)

All-in-all I really am doing super good.  Of course things are not perfect, and being a new mom is still super hard sometimes.  But I am loving it more and more each day.  Baby Ames is smiling pretty regularly now and I find myself sitting with him for hours trying to make him smile - and the 5 smiles I get out of him a day make life totally worth it.  Having the love a little babe fresh from heaven truly is one of the best feelings ever :)

Again, I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me - I know that has been a big reason for helping me 'normalize' :)

And, as always, pictures of Baby Ames...

What I came home to one night after going to a bridal shower...heart melt!

Giving Dad the stare down.

He's starting to actually look at toys!

Besides getting him to smile, this is the other big time consumer of my days :)

one of my 'list' projects

I mean really. Heart throb.