I curse you probably once a day lately. Just when I thought you had settled down you thought it would be 'so fun' to flare back up.
Um, not cool.
I'm not a huge fan of you causing me to clean out a baseball size wad of hair from the shower drain after each shower. I really don't think it's funny that you caused my 'cycle' to return after a blissful year of absence & you are allowing it its sweet time deciding what 'fun' time of month it's supposed stay. I'm super annoyed at you making me feel somewhat numb from time to time. And really, it wouldn't be that hard to let me lose the last 8 lbs of preggo weight. And for crying out loud, you could have chose a better time to flare back up, emotions were already flying high without you.
So, my dear (hated) hormones, please level out! I don't care if it took 9 months to grow a baby...3 months is quite enough time for you to be put back into your place. Do not tell me to be patient, do as you are told. Mmmmk? Okay, thanks.
Sincerely,
K-A-C to the double E.
Ahhh...isn't becoming a mother the best? Aren't we all just bubbles bursting of utmost joy at every moment of everyday?! I was naive enough to think that becoming a mother would be a Utopia - I fulfilled the measure of my creation. I used this body of mine to create a perfect little body. I did what it had dreamed of doing since I was a little girl. But for some reason, my life isn't a Utopia...strange, right? ;)
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a Mom. Sometimes at night I get excited about the fact that I could be waking up to the sound of a little cry that needs me to go and snuggle him back to sleep. I smile way more each day because there is a smiley, drooly, little blob that thinks I'm pretty funny. Being a Momma really is an amazing thing. BUT....it is very different than I expected. Especially since when I first started down this road I was faced with a body that couldn't fully feed my child that brought guilt and a wave of hormones that allowed a little PPD into my life. And even though most of that is behind me, life isn't blissful every second of the day. These past 2 weeks I actually have had mini rough go. LOTS has been happening....Nate is back in the thick of track...meaning he is gone a minimum of 2 full days each week, I quit my job and am trying to adjust to being home all the time, one of my friends lost her baby at 25 weeks (hello tears on tears), my Dad who has been unemployed finally got a great job!!....in freakin' Texas meaning my parents and two youngest siblings are moving far away :(, I got pretty sick (tummy, body aches, head aches, ugh) for 6 days & on top of everything, my hormones decided to flare up...#notcool.
Needless to say, I've had a hard time feeling the love and joy which I thought motherhood would bring at all moments. I allowed myself to be fearful that how I felt the past couple weeks was how my life would always be...it scared me. I ways making things so much worse by over-thinking them and allowing fear and doubt to take hold of me. Luckily, I have amazing families and friends and the gospel to knock some sense back into me :) I realized after some good talks and prayers that this time in my life, as amazing as being a mother is, it is also going to be really hard. There are some women out there that become Moms and DO feel the love and joy almost all the time...and to be honest...I.AM.SO.JEALOUS! haha. After some good talks with the Big Man upstairs and family/friends I realized that I am a good Mom...and also a Mom that might have to work a little harder on being joyful instead of having it just happening naturally. And luckily, I realized that I am okay with that. I realized that I would MUCH rather have my trials than trials of others. I truly believe that each of us are given specific trials that are designed to shape us into the person the Big Man upstairs wants us to be. When I think about things that way, I actually get excited haha. Right now my trial is to be able to control my emotions and keep my thoughts positive even when my hormones are raging and big 'life' events are happening. As I was thinking about my trial and the possible blessings that could come from it I thought about how I always wanted to have super strong 'mind powers'....meaning I've always wanted to be able to have complete control of my body via my mind...mind over body, right?! I've always wanted to have such a strong mind that when I'm running I can push myself beyond my limits. I've wanted to be able to stay relaxed and happy amiss disasters...I want to be super resilient and I believe that comes from having a strong, positive mind. So who knows, even though I'm not every good right now and I definitely let things get to me...maybe down the road I'll be able to push my body so hard while staying so relaxed and calm that I can win the Olympic Marathon! yep, that it. That's why I'm going through this trial right now. ;)
#riohereicome
