Down South: Corra May

I'm sitting here in a quiet house with my TWO kids snoozing. I can't believe it's already been 16 days since our sweet little Corra joined us; but then again, it feels like a really long time ago. Here is how our sweet babe made her entrance into this mortal world:

I had been measuring small the last few weeks of pregnancy and so my doctor had me going in for Non-stress tests a couple times a week just to monitor baby girl and make sure she was okay. She always passed with flying colors. At one of the non-stress tests when I was 38.5 weeks along I was having pretty consistent contractions. I couldn't feel them a ton but things were definitely starting to progress. It got my hopes up a little too much - Nate even stayed home from a meet that weekend just because we thought she would be coming at any moment. The weekend came and passed and I still didn't have a baby. The next week was absolute torture. She had dropped so low that walking was painful. I had a doctor appointment on Thursday and got my membranes swept. Nate was scheduled to leave to his conference championship meet on May 11th (her due date being May 9th) so we were really trying to get her out! I had my membranes swept with Ames and it started contractions within a few hours. I figured it would be the same with her. But I had them swept and nothing seemed to be happening...at least no true labor signs. I could tell my body was gearing up for labor but nothing seemed to put it into active labor. After having my membranes stripped I got really, really anxious. Anxious because I felt like she was going to come any minute, anxious because every hour that passed was an hour less we had with Nate before he had to leave, and anxious because, as mentioned in THIS post, I was real scared at how I was going to handle everything. Going through post-partum depression was the hardest thing I've done and so you can imagine having it be a very real possibility again freaked me out a little. The days leading up to her birth were really hard - I just wanted her here so I could see how everything played out! And of course, because I wanted to meet my baby girl so much! Luckily we had scheduled to be induced Monday morning so there was an end in sight. But everyday passed painfully slow.

Finally Monday morning did show up and I called the hospital at 5:30 am like they told me to to see when we could come in. When I called they said they would call me within the next 3 hours and let me know. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I was excited none-the-less. I got up showered and got all ready. 8:30 am came and went and we still hadn't heard from them. I called in and they said they were busy and as soon as they had an opening they would let me know. As you can imagine, having to wait even more was KILLING me. My doctor called me and asked me to come in to check me. So we went to the doctor'sand she told us that we might have to reschedule the induction for later that week because they didn't have enough nurses on hand. I almost cried right then and there. I told her that Nate left in 2 days and I needed him there. So we decided to try some things to put me into labor on my own so they had to admit me! She swept my membranes again and then did something called a foley bulb induction. Pretty much blew up a little balloon inside my cervix to try and start contractions (don't worry, I hadn't heard of it either until she asked me if I wanted to try it). She said that I might start having contractions soon and to call her if I did. Luckily as Nate and I were walking out of the office I had a contraction which got me excited. We went home and I went and just chilled while Nate went and worked on our sprinklers with his Dad (his parents and my mom and sister were all up waiting for this baby to come). In just over an hour the contractions were coming every 3 mins apart and were getting pretty bad. A baby was finally coming!! Nate and I called the doc and she sad to come back in. We went back in and she said I had already dilated another cm and was going to call over to labor and delivery to admit me! I was so relieved. We walked over to labor and delivery (my doc's office is in the hospital) and got right into a room. When I got all hooked up and ready I was dilated to a 4. I waited for about an hour and then got an epidural. Once I got the epidural my doc came and broke my water and I was dilated to a 6. She also put in a catheter to empty my very full bladder. I only say this because she said that sometimes having a full bladder can slow dilation because the bladder keeps the baby up. Once she emptied my bladder it was just 10 or so minutes later that I started to feel really painful contractions on my right side. The epidural never took 100% on my right side but up until that point I would just feel a little twinge and nothing more during the contractions. But now it was super painful. I told the nurse that it was hurting really bad. Even though they had just checked me not too long before she said she was going to check me again because sometimes if you start to feel them really bad it means that you're ready to push. Right when she checked me she was like "well, there's the baby's head right there! You're all ready!" I was actually really surprised. I knew that she was a lot lower than Ames had ever been, but it took me ALL DAY to fully dilate with Ames. So the fact that I had only been there for a few hours was crazy fast for me. The nurse started to get a little nervous actually because my doctor wasn't there. She quickly went and called my doc and then proceeded to get everything ready. I was already crying just knowing that I got to meet my babe soon! Before my doc got there I started feeling like I needed to push and it made me a little nervous that my doc wouldn't make it in time. But luckily she came quickly and everything was ready for me to start pushing. It only took pushing through 4 contractions and our tiny baby girl entered the world! They put her right on top of me and of course I was bawling. It really is the best moment. So much love for the tiny babe and so much love for Nate. I wish I could feel that pure love that strong all the time but I guess it's okay for the special moments :) She was pretty blue and didn't start crying and so once Nate cut the cord they took her to the little newborn station to try and get her going. I sent Nate over there to make sure she was okay. Luckily I didn't tear or anything so I got cleaned up pretty quick. But I started to get more and more nervous as more and more things started to go on my little girl. They first put a breathing mask over her but she still wasn't doing well enough so they stuck a little tube down her throat and little nose cannuels up her nostrils. Then I heard them call the NICU and told them they were bringing her down. My heart sunk. Though it was weird because I never felt too stressed...more just bummed. Before they took her down to NICU they let me hold her for a second. The poor girl was already tubed up! It made me feel so bad that this was her entry into the world instead of being all cuddled up on me. After holding her for a couple minutes they took her down to the NICU. They said Nate could go visit her in like 25 mins and I could go once I could get up. So after carrying my baby girl for 9+ months and birthing her into the world she was suddenly gone. I sat there for the next hour feeling so empty and weird. I didn't like it. Nate went down and checked on her and said that she was doing good but needed to be on oxygen because she had some fluid in her lungs and they were having a hard time getting going on their own. After the epidural finally started to wear off I shuffled my way into a wheel chair and Nate wheeled me down to the NICU. I felt so much love for my sweet little babe just getting to hold her little hand. I felt so bad too that she had wires and tubes everywhere. I just wanted to snuggle her and make it all better. But again, I never felt too worried - blessings from above. After being with her for a little while Nate wheeled me to our room and we kinda just hung out. Like I mentioned before, I felt this huge void without her. Before we went to bed we went and saw her one more time. The next morning we went in early and they let us hold her! Felt so good to actually hold her but still sad because we had to be careful of all of her tubes and wires. Later that morning we met with the doctor and he said she had something called TTN which is basically just fluid in the lungs that makes it hard for babes to breath. He said that it can clear up anywhere from 1 to 8 days. He said she looked really good other than that. After the doc left they took her off the oxygen and she handled it really well! Luckily she was one of the babies that had the fluid clear up very quickly and she was able to breath normally in less than 24 hours. They still wanted to keep her the full 48 hours and monitor her. So the next day and a half Nate and I just chilled in our room and every 3 hours would go down and I would feed her and spend some time with her.

After 48 hours she still looked great so we got to bring her home! I was so excited to bring her home because Ames still hadn't really seen or held her. He was SO excited to see her and show her her room haha. He had helped us paint/decorate/set up her room so he attributed a lot of her existence to her room. Right when we pulled up he was at the door and was so excited that his baby sister was here! He ran to the car and kept asking if his baby sister wanted to see her room :) Once we got her inside he got to hold her for the first time and he went from super excited to very still and solemn when he held her. He quietly whispered to her as he held her and I about died. All my worries about loving a second were squished and I loved both of them so so much.

Corra May is currently 16 days old and is doing awesome :) She had her 2 week appointment yesterday and has gained 10oz in a week and is 7.5 oz over her birth weight. Glad her eating every hour during the day is paying off! Luckily she does about 3 hour stretches at night. Her sweet little personality is starting to come through. We have already noticed that she loves people. She is most content when she is being held and apart of whatever we are doing. She, like Ames, is also pretty curious. If she is awake she has to be held facing out. She also is a great cuddler and she HATES being cold :) I can't wait for her to become more and more aware of everything and see more of her personality.

I also want to note how I am doing. As I've written about a lot, I had a rough go with post-partum depression after Ames. This time around things are much better. I can still feel a little bit of PPD, but it's way more manageable and everything is much more peaceful. It's so much better that my biggest anxiety I have right now is that it's all of the sudden going to get bad like it was with Ames - it's almost hard for me to accept that things are better and I can actually feel good after having a baby :) As each day goes on and I still feel good I'm accepting it more and more that I actually have been blessed with having a much easier and more peaceful time this time around. Ames has actually been a huge blessing in helping me. Not only does he just make me laugh all the time, whenever I get in a slump or feel anxious I can just look at him and he is testament that I can get through even the worst of it and he reminds me that no matter how crummy I feel it is 100% worth it - I can't imagine life without my Ames and I know it will be the same with my Corra. Another thing that has really helped is just perspective. Having gone through it all before I know for a fact that things always get easier and better. And I know that even though life might feel a little dull and lack-luster right now, one day I will feel back to my old self and even better than ever. After I had Ames it was seriously so hard for me to believe that I would feel better. But I did eventually feel better and my life was happier than it had ever been. So I know that it will be the same this time too. I also don't put pressure on myself for not loving these newborn days. I actually am enjoying them much more this time around, but it's still just not my thing. I love when babes are big enough to tote all around and interact with. So although I love the snuggles, I have accepted that it's okay to not be a newborn days lover :)

The very biggest reason that I'm doing better though is because I know that I am not doing this alone. Not only do I have the best husband and family and friends that are all there helping (special shout out to my amazing sister, J. Kapree, my Momma, and Uncle Dylan who have all already helped so much!) but I know that my Heavenly Father and Savior are helping me every step of the way. They sent this sweet baby girl to us and I know they didn't intend for us to fail in raising her. We have been through too much since Ames was born till now for me not to know that I have a Heavenly Father & Savior who are very aware of me, know what is best for me, and as long as I put my trust and faith in them, they will never let me fail. This time around I have tried to be very trusting and I already know They have helped and continue to help me every single day. So although I don't feel blissfully happy right now, I am SO grateful that everything is going much better and smoother this time around :) Blessings from above.

And now, pictures: